It could be that growing up an ‘only child’ gave me a foundation for intuiting a lot about negotiation. After all, I perceived the world as myself “against” two parents (who had my best interests at heart), but whose decisions I saw as overly-restrictive. I am sure I argued them out of their minds! But, over time, I did start becoming more sophisticated about ‘reading’ those parents of mine.
With age and experience, I have a completely different perspective on the goals of negotiation. I no longer want to win just for the sake of winning. I am interested in figuring out what the opposite party wants and needs and in seeing a way to align those interests with the wants and needs of my side. I must remain clear and communicative about the needs on my side, especially because perceived needs are usually more fluid than we like to think they are.
When I am on the buyers’ side of a negotiation, I have learned to ask lots of questions of the other agent in a transaction to find out as much as I can about the sellers’ situation. I also pick up clues from the listing, from the photos, from the house itself, from their expressed timelines. I pick up a lot of clues and often, I’m not even sure how I know what I know. That’s intuition.
A real estate buy/sell negotiation starts at the very first contact with my own client. That is when I start setting the tone for how I do business through negotiating with the client on the terms under which we will act in concert to achieve what they need to achieve.
On the buying side, each contact with a listing agent in setting up an appointment to view a property, in letting the agent or the occupant know when we leave the property, in letting the agent know positives and negatives of my buyer’s and my thoughts about the property sets a standard for a later negotiation, should the buyers decide to make an offer. Being unfailingly courteous and respectful toward the other agent and their clients helps them understand that we are not out to ‘get the best of them’, to fool them, or to be arbitrary in our approach. This relaxes everyone, which reduces fear and defensiveness in later discussions.
When I am in a position in which the opposite party tries to bully me or my client, I take this as a sign that his position is weak and the only tool he has left is to try to force his will onto me or my client. Or, that she is pathological! Bullying behavior sends me into my hyper-calm exterior, hyper-alert interior mode in which I see the possibilities and strategies for disarming the bully and forcing her to face the realities of the situation. Working with reality is more productive than dancing around imagined wrongs and slights with power-moves.
Working the seller’s side is interesting because they have had the time and inclination to build a fantasy world of how the market works before I even talk with them about real estate. My job is to give them the experience of market reality so that they can start moving away from notions and into the actual world. And my job is to walk away from the relationship, if it appears that the sellers are not going to face reality in price or in preparation for a sale.
Being in a position to calmly walk away from a negotiation is gold. Knowing the bottom line frees all parties to search earnestly for a way to work together, if both have a stake in the result, and both realize that the other party can and will end the negotiation if there is no positive movement.
On the selling side, it helps that I am familiar with a buyer’s perspective, and I can help the seller understand that perspective, too, in order to remove as many barriers and negotiating points as possible before the house even goes on the market. Imagine if there are only two or three points of contention in a contract, rather than ten! How much less time and annoyance we all expend when we have taken into account a buyer’s perspective ahead of the negotiation!
On the buying side, it helps that I am familiar with a seller’s perspective; all the time and preparation that has gone into getting a house ready for market, and sometimes, even legal issues that have had to be resolved in advance of listing the home, as well as the ongoing inconvenience or even financial stress that comes from having a home on the market.
Our Texas residential contracts are set up to be very much to the advantage of the buyer, as if the seller is a business or corporation which might be trying to fool the unsuspecting buyer into acquiring a ‘dog’. Of course, there is an element of that in a sale, and I believe in being vigilant in observing potential problems when buying a house. But, unlike a business or corporation, most sellers are emotionally attached to their property and their dignity, and honoring that impulse really helps a buyer’s side in a negotiation about any part of the contract.
I really love negotiation. I love the feeling of being emotionally calm and mentally charged. I love the flow of intuiting the unspoken and using all clues to reach what the parties feel is a satisfying, or at least fair, outcome.
I love when my buyers pay less than their lender’s appraiser says the property is worth. I love when my buyers win with their offer, even when it is less money for the seller than other offers. I love when a seller gets above-asking price for their home, especially when the house has been priced in accordance with what houses in similar condition have been sold for in the neighborhood. And I love when even the people on the other side of the transaction feel satisfied and free to move into the next phase of their lives unencumbered.
There are two or three basic theories I’ve read about how negotiations should be conducted, but my experience shows me that my best approach is to use intuition coupled with adjustments in my side’s response based on the results of each step we take, learning the hidden parts of each parties’ needs and tolerance as we go, until we reach a satisfactory conclusion.
I’ll be happy to negotiate on your behalf, starting with our first contact.
Esteemed teacher and young student.
There is a lot of unspoken AND spoken negotiation in playing music together. If one player has a strong idea about which way to take the mood, the tempo, even the pitch, it is well that others adjust, or persuade that outlier otherwise, all in real-time!